Man is a social animal. He cannot operate his life in isolation or do without having to socialize with others no matter the extent of his introvertedness.
The needs to ‘know one another’ and the necessity of living with others in peace and accord is the underbelly essence of Qu’ran 49: 13, which reads thus:
” O mankind! We created you from a single ( pair) of a male and a female and made you into Nations and tribes that you may know each other; surely the most honourable of you with Allah is the one who his righteous”
The creation of man in pairs and the making of them into different Nations and tribes from the above verse have never been a natural coincident among the creatures of God, but deliberate attempts at teaching them how to live with others in peace and a way of upping their vision to see the benefits accrued in socialization with others.
And when in relationships _whether as husband and wive, leader and follower, parents and children, guardian and ward, trader and customer _ there are going to occur many a panorama of up and down, accord and discord as well as agreement and disagreement!
In all this, those in relationships must find way or ways of balancing the scales of things so as to stay longer in them for their benefits, that of their societies and the earth in general. For that, the arts of dealing with others in relationships is anchored on three sentences in Islam in a Quranic verse as follows:
” Take to forgiveness, enjoin good and turn aside from the ignorant”
Taking to forgiveness posits that there is going to be lapses and mistakes in one’s relationship with others in life. Friends are going to operate outside the normal orders of the principles that guide them. In familial circles too, anomalies are bound to creep once upon a time solid rapports while the ship of international relations among countries of the world is meant to be shaken.
But in all, if forgiveness is the cardinal principle which runs the wheels of the friendships that exist among the allies outlined above ,there is a certainty that the relationships they nurtured will see many decades and outlives numerous challenges of life .
This is the essence of the Quranic command in relationships ‘ take to forgiveness’!. It connotes that if building alliances with one’s friends is the building-block of a relationship, taking to forgiveness is the stake that which undergirds it! The strength of reinforcement provides by forgiveness in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. Because it prevents the breaking of it and while it seems to have been broken , it cements and patches it up.
Forgiveness Will Not Increase A Believer In Anything Except That It Raises His Honour
According to the noble prophet Muhammad ( salla-llahu alehi wasalam), forgiveness Will not increase a believer in anything except that it raises high his honour! This is contained in an Hadith that reads:
” Alms-giving decreases not anything out of a man’s wealth and Allah will not increase His servant in forgiveness except it ( forgiveness) raises him in honour, and nobody will humble himself for God except that God raise high his pedestal in His sight”
It must be observed at this juncture that nothing had endeared the noble prophet Muhammad ( salla-llahu alehi wasalam) to the Quraish and the entire Arabs during his lifetime and to the world at large afterwards more than his forgiveness of the people who had antagonized, shown hatred and hitherto fought him.
An example of his remission towards them will suffice here. It was reported that on the day of the Victory of Makkah, the Quraish were in the hands of the prophet ( salla-llahu alehi wasalam) as a captive nation after God Had helped him overpowered them besides many a battle and hatred shown to him and his religion while he ( the prophet, salla-llahu alehi wasalam) had asked them: ” what do you think I’m capable of doing to you today?”
It was reported that the Quraish had answered him confidently as follows: ” You are an honoured brother sired by an equally a respectful father!” And the prophet had responded truth to type in a forgiving manner thus:
” I will not say anything to you except as prophet Yusuf ( alehi Salam) had said to his brothers after many unsparing battles against him as follows: ” there should be no reproof ( blames) against you this day; may Allah forgive you for He is the most Merciful of the Merciful”
Then the prophet ( salla-llahu alehi wasalam) said : ” go you are a freeborn already!”
Enjoining good is the second leg of the tripods in the arts of dealing with others in relationships in Islam. It is incumbent on those who are in relationships with others to enjoin doing good as they are themselves doing it. Since it is the core of any relationship and its propeller.
What is good in Islam is everything God and His prophet Have made lawful and legal while what is bad is what the duo have deemed bad! Enjoining good, therefore is a way of prolonging the life’s of one’s relationship. It is the oil which makes its parts and wheels move without hindrance and unnecessary hiccups.
The one who will enjoin good should make goodness his watchwords and symbol of living so that his counterparts in relationships will see him as role-model to emulate. And a man who will do this must be ready to part with his wealth, knowledge and time!
Rabiat Bn Abiy ‘Abdur-Rahman has opined on what constitutes ‘goodness or generosity in Islam as follows:
” There are what constitute goodness in travelling and while in the town among friends and those in relationships. As for what constitute it in travelling, they are:
” Spending of his means among his friends, leanness of contention and discord among colleagues and abundance of jokes among them without unnecessary courting of God’s displeasure from them”
As for what constitute goodness while in the town, they are :” constant presence in the mosques, reading of the glorious Qur’an and plenty in brotherhood in God’s course”
According to Islamic scholars, enjoining good involves three things. The first one is enjoining people to help one another with their influence, wealth and hands. The second one is encouraging people to be good to others by pardoning them of their foibles and overlooking their mistakes as well as showing them leniency in what are your rights! The third one is enjoining people to use their power in securing people’s lives from danger.
Turning aside or away from the ignorant is the third leg of the tripods which sustain and fortify the arts of dealing with others in Islam. There are some times when taking to forgiveness and enjoin good will not be enough in maintaining the peace and balance in a relationship. At this point, turning aside or away from the ignorant will suffice.
Since an ignorant or ignoramus is the one whom when he is shown the light of forgiveness despite his foibles, he will still blocked his face from it. He is somebody, yet if he is enjoined to do good or good is done to him despite his undeserving character, he shows no appreciation to the doer of the good.
When somebody is like this and you happen to be in a relationship with him or her may be as an husband or wive or friend, or boss, or apprenticeship etc, you do not need to be bothering on his or her silliness at this juncture again, rather what you need is to turn aside or away from him for a while or for some times.
For if you want to contest the situation with him or her, and your voice or countenance or abuse or grip is more firmed or deadly than his or her, you will look like a cruel soul in the faces of the newcomers to the scene and even in those that are conversant with the matters, like a soul devoid of kindness.
Instances Of The Good Men Of The Past In Islam In Their Turning Aside From The Ignoramus
The Patience Of ‘Umar
Despite being the Leader of the Muslims during his reign as the second rightly guided caliph after the demise of the prophet ( salla-llahu alehi wasalam), people still came to ‘Umar’s sittings to abuse and harass him even in the presence of his allies and ministers
yet he bore their antics with patience and pardoned their mistakes.
Ibn Abass ( Radiya-llahu anhu) narrated that ‘Ayyinat Bn Hasini Bn Husaifa Bn Badr ( Radiya-llahu anhu) entered into the presence of his blood brother, Al-Harri Bn Qasi ( Radiya-llahu anhu) who was one of the influential men nearer in relation to ‘Umar, the second caliph.
‘Ayyinat had requested from his brother to please use his influence to book an appointment with the busied caliph ,so that he would have a word with him on a pressing matter. And when his request had been granted in the presence of the caliph ,he said carelessly:
” See ‘Umar! I swear with Allah’s name, you had never gifted us enough out of the wealth of the Muslims with you neither had you judged among us with justice!” And this had infuriated ‘Umar until he thought of descending on him.
Then Al-Harri, said this to ‘Umar:” Oh you, the Leader of the Faithful, indeed, Allah Has told His apostle thus on how to deal with others in relationships with them:
” Take to forgiveness, enjoin good and turn aside from the ignorant!” _ Qu’ran 7:199
Al-Harri continued :” this is one of the ignorant oh you the Leader of the Faithful! I swore by Allah’s name, ‘Umar had not moved an inch near him again when this verse was recited to him anymore, instead he stood where the Book of Allah has stood!”
The Reply Of Uwais
It was said that Uwais- il-Qarniy ( Rahimahu llahu Rahmatan wasi’a) whenever he saw youngsters in his neighbour throwing stones to him, he would say instead of cursing or throwing stones to them again as follows:
” O you brothers ( he would still addressed them as a friend will address his beloved), if you will ever stone me, if you can’t do without it, please let the stones be the smaller ones so that they will not wound my legs and I will not be able to observe Al-Salaat with them.”
The Reaction Of ‘Umar Bn ‘Abdullah Al-‘Azeez
Bn ‘Abdullah Al-‘Azeez walked in the Mosque with his son and he mistakenly stepped on a man sleeping on a mat and the man said in anger_ not knowing who had stepped on him_ heeee mad man! ‘Umar Bn ‘Abdullah Al-‘Azeez had reacted to this with a pleasant reply ever: ” No ! ”
When his son who was with him had heard this :” o you the Leader of the Faithful! , can’t you see that he had abused you? ‘Umar said:” No ,he has just asked whether I’m a mad man or not and I had replied him with No!”
In any relationship you are, just know that there will be lapses and mistakes and at times, a deliberate hurting by those in the relationship. If this happens, just remember to use the three ways discussed above which the verse 199 of the 7th chapter of the glorious Qur’an has encapsulated! Be assured that if one out of it does not quench the fire of discord in your relationship, others will.