By Dr Adekunle Mikail
Parents, if they ever desire to raise virtuous and noble Children tomorrow, must be intentional with their children’s upbringing, right from before, during and after their birth!
They must be deliberate on raising Children who can hold their own in terms of moral, education and character in future.
Being intentional in the upbringing of our children right from before they are born entails looking out for rectitude-laden spinster on the part of a man and a well-bred bachelor on the side of the woman.
Good home, good name, faithfulness to one’s religion’s dictum, and coming from a stable family still count in raising honourable wards these days despite the turbulence of the time.
A people in possession of these minimum requirements, for all the tricks and daggers life may throw into their ways, still stand a higher percentage of being turned out as respectable fellows in future.
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This is the reality of the matter. It proves that, if the people of religion are serious, focused and are ready to follow the moral dictates in their books of instructions and law, chance still remains that they will be better and productive than those that are irreligious and agnostic whose lives are only guided by their own fantasy, whim and Caprice.
Being intentional about the children’s upbringing premarital wise, is going the way of the prophet salla-llahu alehi wasalam, who has advised that , though people marry for four reasons – for the wealth in the families of the ones they want to marry; for the beauty of the ones they want to marry, for their families’ pedigrees and for their religion association_ one should choose the religion affiliation over the other features for it equals them in terms of value and worth!
Since for being righteous, man has been able to surmount many a moral and existential obstacle with the light inbuilt in his soul through the practice of his religion instructions, patience in times of tribulation and adversity, therefore, choosing religion over family pedigree, beauty and wealth when looking for a spouse is a formidable antidote against having an offspring with antisocial bent.
Another way one can be deliberate about one’s Children’s upbringing before they are born is to respect their mothers through good speech, filial love and being upward in terms of one’s responsibilities to one’s spouse. In Islam, it is the responsibilities of the father to feed, clothe and provide shelter for his wive and his entire households.
He is to spend on his family according to the size of his pocket_ if his pocket is large and accommodative, he must be large and accommodative to his family in his discharging of his responsibilities and if his pocket is small and a bit tight, his spending should be tailored according to his corresponding pocket.
This has been declared in Qur’an 65:7 as follows:
”Let him who has abundance spend out of his a abundance and whoever has his means of subsistence straitened to him, let him spend out of that which Allah has given him; Allah does not lay on any soul a burden except to the extent to which He has granted it; Allah brings about ease after difficulty”
In an Hadith, it has been said that :” it amounts to a sin in the eyes of God for a man to forsake his family in discharging his responsibilities”
It is the view of Islam that if a man provides for his family as it expected of him, the wive will have the energy and the presence of mind to discharge her own responsibilities which include proper care for the children. In fact, the milk of tenderness in her breast will be given to the child and this will have a positive effect on the manner of the child. But if otherwise, the father can’t take proper care of the mother, the mother will not be happy to take a proper care of her child. Indeed, the sour part of the milk of her breast will be produced and it will form the basis of the hardened of the child’s heart!
A Mother Is A School, So Prepare Her Well For Your Children
The first school a child will naturally attend when he is born is his mother . This is the reason a would -be – father is supposed to prepare her well for his children. For a mother as a school, if it is well chosen , it is the child that will reap her bounty and if it is not, it is still the child that will recoup her loss. And like similitude of the good and inferior forms of land in Qur’an in 7:58 as follows :
” And as for the good land , its vegetation springs forth abundantly by the permission of its Lord ,and for that which is inferior, its herbage comes forth but scantily, thus do we repeat the communication for a people who give thanks “, the would be owner of the land must be prepared to choose the good one as well as be ready to give to it all what can increase its manures!
A poet of Arabian Peninsula has also contributed to this beneficial discourse on the benefits accrued in a good mother as reads below:
” Mother is a school if you prepared her well** You have prepared a well-nourished and firmly rooted tree!”
As parts of being intentional with the upbringing of our children right before they are born, mothers should avoid by all means, acts which negate righteousness such as thievery, lying, eating forbidden food and backbiting, when they are pregnant, for these acts psychologically impacted on the behaviour of their offsprings which they might have been inherited as at the time of their pregnancy in the bosoms of their mothers when their brains were just developing!
When a child is born, he is supposed to be given good name or names for this goes along way to impact his bearing in life. Good name which is combined with good education has proved to be a catalyst for the moral and height a child will reach in life.
Sheikh Bakr Bn Abdullah Bn Zaid observed this when he said :” Among the mistakes that remain with a child for ever is giving him negative monikers as names during his birth” . Imam Ibn Qayum Al-Jaosy, has also rightly observed on the effects of naming a child . He said:” hardly do you name a child with bad ones except that it has adverse effect on the child named”.
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Besides, opening of the child’s speech when he is about to be talking with the statement of faith in Islam is part of being intentional with the upbringing of a child in Islam.
It is a veritable tool in proper planting of faith in God and His religion in the soul of a child. If properly inculcated in him, it fosters the love of God in his inner heart and remains with him for the entire duration of his life. The importance of this is noted in the prophet’s Sunnah when he says :
” Let the statement of faith :” Lailaha illa-llahu” ; be the first speech to open your babies’ mouths”
Teaching the child the essence of having faith and dependability on God before teaching them the Qur’an is another step at being intentional with his upbringing after his birth. It is the practice of the early Muslims and the direction of the prophet salla-llahu alehi wasalam. Samratu had reported that ” we were Children during the time of the prophet and the prophet used to teach us the Islamic Creed before he taught us the Qur’an and when he started teaching us the Qur’an, we became more increased in faith!”
This is one of the benefits in educating the children on the Islamic creed or belief when they are still fresh before the vicissitudes of life get to them.
The belief system of these children will have been solidified well before they will start to learn the reading, memorization and explanation of the glorious Qur’an.
The eventuality of life which nobody can be absolved from, is better protected against when Children have been taught the nitty-gritty of their religion precepts before it starts to rear its ugly head.
Inculcating the love of knowledge in the minds of children is another sure way of weaning them away from bad influence after their birth when they are growing up.
Beneficial knowledge which is the light of the soul and propeller of man to blessed ends in life is also a mechanism which an intentioned parents can deploy for the good of their wards.
This can in addition to the above benefits, save Children from bad influence of internet and films. Enrollment of one’s Children in arts, science -lovers’ clubs and entrepreneurship centers is a positive alternative to children’s exposure to the bad sides of technology ,films and music .
Mothers who are most times are the closets of the two parents to the children as an habit in a saner environment , do encourage their wards to love knowledge. This is apparent in the lives of the mothers of the early people in Islam. It is said that most Islamic figures in the eras after the death of the prophet turned out to be savant and versed in their trades as a result of their mothers efforts in assisting in the memorization of the Islamic texts and morality.
Many of them had not reached the age of ten before they had favourably memorized the glorious Qur’an. Imam Malik and Safihi of the Malikite and Shafihite schools of law in Islam are examples of this wondrous feat which was made possible by their mothers’ encouragement.
Imam Ahmad reported from Waki’i that the mother of Sufyan Thaory , one of the leading jurists of the earliest period of Islam used to encourage her son as follows :
” Oh you my dear son endeavor to seek knowledge and I will for that noble action of yours, suffused you with much love !”
Honour Your Child And Make His Ethic Beautiful
It is a big deal , according to the people in the field of education in Islam, to parents to first of all, honour their children if at all they want them to be honourable in life.
The best way to do this is to teach them beautiful ethics of Islam such as the belief in God as the only indivisible God who can do and undo things; who creates, provides sustenance and has all the power; the love of all the prophets of God and in particular the love of prophet Muhammad and his Sunnah; goodness to parents, elders and neighbours; avoidance of behaviours such as thievery, fornication, backbiting, usury , gambling etc.
Another move at honouring your child is by being lenient, gentle and sensitive to their cause through your utterances, doings and undoings ! This will go along way to instill compassion and lenience in their own consciousness so that when grown up, they will be compassionate with others.
While being hard with them , in another way round, will make their minds hardened , being soft with them is a criteria in setting them up for the good you want them to emulate tomorrow.
This tenderness with children is different from indulging them when going astray or when their behaviour is negative. Instead , it is the concern you show towards the discharge of their rights and gentlemanly disposition to their well-being. It is what the prophet salla-llahu alehi wasalam had done to his grand son, Hazzan , when he kissed him in the forehead. This prophetic behaviour had amazed a man named ‘Aqraa’u, who had sited with the prophet and had witnessed this incidence to say aloud:
” I had been blessed with ten children and I had never been compassionate with any one of them by kissing them in my life hitherto . This had made the prophet to quip as a reaction to Aqraa’u’s action thus:
” He who is not benevolent to others will not be blessed”
While doing this, the parents should avoid abandon their wards like orphans, in the name of searching for their daily needs. Doing this will make them to loss today and tomorrow they are striving to make good altogether. For in the words of a poet, ” an orphan is not the one whose father has died and left to suffer but indeed, an orphan is the one who is given a careless mother and a busy father”
A careless Mother And A Busy Father Are A Disaster, No Doubt
A careless mother and a busy father are a disaster, no doubt! The reason being that they will not be capable of being intentional with their children upbringing.
They will not teach them how to pray the five daily canonical prayers, nor teach them the values in turning to God in desolation or show them why they most respect the views of others.
A careless mother and a busy father are a disaster no doubt for they are too concerned with themselves that they will not get the chance to obey the prophet’s commandment of separating the beds of one’s children if some of them are males and others are female when they are ten years in age! The import of this is to dissuade Children of opposite sexes from commiting incest among themselves .
A careless mother and a busy father are a disaster any time any day for they will leave their precious products of their loins in the ambivalent hands of the society which can either deal positively and negatively with them according to the elements in the majority in such a society.
Friends and foes will now be friend these children and they will be guilded into what the friends and foes deem good even if it is bad.
A careless mother and a busy father are a disaster every time for they will be putting imprecation on their wards on a slight provocation , forgetting that cursing children is helping Satan on them and it is aiding their abberancy and perversity!
On that note , a man had come to ‘Abdullah Ibn Mubarak complaining about the deviousness of one of his children. Ibn Mubarak then asked man:” have you been raising curse on your son? The man answered in the affirmative! Ibn Mubarak then said: ” you have destroyed him by your curse!
In short, whoever wants to be intentional with the upbringing of his children and wards should follow this prophetic nugget.
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